Occupation: Coach. Period.

Date/Day: 7th February 2006, Tuesday
Time: 1430
Location: Clementi Swimming Complex
Event: School Swimming Heats, Lower & Upper Primary

Let me START with the saying:
"Those who can't do, teach."
"Those who can't teach, do."

I was THE STARTer for the swimming heats. The kids, who were competing, would have to START on my mark, once I, THE STARTer blow my trusty whistle. Before the START of the first event, this man, (sidetrack)

Man: Eh, who is the STARTer?
Me: I am.
Man: You got brief the timekeepers or not?
Me: Of course. We have done this before. My teachers know when to START the stopwatches.
Man: So you know ha? Really?
Me: Yes. I hold up this green sign and flag it down. At the same time I blow my whistle.
Man: They know ha? Really?
Me:
Man: I better double up as STARTer also.. just in case.
Me: Whatever. The more the merrier. *rolls eyes*

Man trotted off to the other end of the pool. Man, now identified as coach for the school team, STARTed to re-brief my teachers.

My teachers STARTed to get confused.

Two sets of instructions.

One official and the other, well.. officially his.

I STARTed to make my way there after sensing a commotion. Delayed STARTing time. Ah too many cooks spoilt the broth.

My teachers understood when this teacher explained.

Coach sashayed back to STARTing point.

Now let's get things STARTed.

Splash. Prriittt.... Splash. Prriitt... Go kids! Swim! Ah don't mind your goggles, we'll retrieve them for you. GO!

Me: Ah now your turn.
Man-now-identified-as-coach: At your marks! (Splash-false start by one of the kids.. A START to more hiccups to come. Ah! Cilaka (Translation: Damnit!)! Eh you! Never listen! I haven't blow my whistle right! See! Now, Get ready!

Me - 0 hiccups.
Man-now-identified-as-coach - (Lost count after 3 screw ups!)

(Few events later)
Me: My turn.
Man-now-identified-as-coach:  You see ah. That girl in Lane 2. She'll be in trouble later.
Me: Why? Your kid?
Man-now-identified-as-coach:  No you just see.
Me: On your marks. (suddenly I noticed Girl Lane 2 did not put on her goggles.) Girl, Lane 2, Goggles!
Man-now-identified-as-coach:  Ah! Why you tell! Let her be!

Man-now-identified-as-coach I STARTed to realise is a Male Chauvanist Pig, oh, minus the Chauvanist please.. and Male too.. Ah just Pig.

Was he prepared to take the responsibilities in case the girl did START to get in trouble like eye irritation or even panicking in the deep end of the pool? Was he prepared to START answering all the questions which I believe will come torpedo-like should things go wrong? Was he that masochistic to want, to need, to yearn, to gloat, when a fault START to take shape?

Man-now-identified-as-coach: Ah. This kind of STARTing duty not easy you know.
Me:
Man-now-identified-as-coach: I've been doing this day in day out. Everyday. Need practice. Not just once a year event.
Me: Next time I'll recommend you for the job.
Man-now-identified-as-coach: I don't mind. As I've said, I do this thing everyday.

Ah..

Is that C-O-A-C-H I see brandished on your ass?

Well.. let's just say, I kicked the coach's ass.